Couples and families frequently seek support from family therapists when there is a breakdown in communication in a relationship. Therapists can provide suggestions and guidelines to encourage effective communication. If you are in a relationship, or struggle with communicating, you are not alone. Difficulty communicating or feeling understood is one of the most common reasons individuals and couples seek support.
You can begin practicing new and healthy communication patterns with the suggestions below.
Practice these tips when communicating:
• Be present when communicating.
Avoid multi-tasking during discussions. Put the phone down and discontinue other activities. Being fully present, with eye contact demonstrates that you are genuinely interested in a person or conversation.
• Timing is everything.
Schedule time for important conversations that works for each person. Have important conversations at opportune moments, when each party is fully engaged. Communicating when emotional or during work hours can be a set up for miscommunication.
• Practice Active Listening.
Eye contact, asking questions, and seeking clarification all demonstrate that you are actively listening.
• Be a Non-Reactive Listener.
Before reacting, ask for clarification. Statements are frequently heard incorrectly or misunderstood. Listen without judging or becoming emotional to better understand what is being communicated.
• Assume the best.
Give others the benefit of the doubt. We are less likely to respond defensively when we assume others have good intentions in their communications.
• Respectfully listen to individual opinions and viewpoints.
Healthy relationships require valuing other’s individuality and independent thoughts-even when different. (read more about boundaries) Remember that it would be unnatural and even unfulfilling to converse with someone who shared all of our views and opinions. Appreciate differences between individuals as an opportunity to learn more about our self and others.
• Know that a response is not always necessary.
Often, what is desired most is a supportive listener. When listening, practice listening for understanding without analyzing.
• Use I Statements as opposed to YOU statements.
(i.e. I feel hurt when). When sharing feelings, it is always best to use “I statements”. I statements help prevent others from taking a defensive stance. Try “I feel…” rather than “You made me feel”… When communicating your thoughts and feelings, speak for yourself. Literally.
• Be the energy you want to attract.
Envision and strive for positive outcomes in your conversations. Approach conversations with positive regard and intention. You are more likely to be understood and heard when your heart is in a good place.
Every day is a great day to work on effective communication.