Healthy boundaries are essential to healthy relationships. Boundaries are necessary to preserve our individual sense of self and self-esteem. People-pleasers will often agree to ideas and commitments they later regret, or experience feeling hurt and resentful. Stronger personalities may overstep boundaries in an effort to connect or be helpful. Others, may simply want to have things their own way, most of the time.
“A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends”
When it comes to boundaries and relationships, whatever your personality or communication style is, it is important to understand that boundaries feel different to everyone.
To maintain healthy relationships, you must prioritize setting and respecting the boundaries of others: it will determine the quality of your relationships.
Understanding and Setting Boundaries: Key Points
• Healthy boundaries are necessary
to maintain long-lasting relationships. Setting healthy boundaries demonstrates a commitment to the relationship.
• Know your boundaries and respect those of others.
Healthy relationships require respecting other’s ideas, time and space.
• Healthy boundaries include understanding
and accepting what is your business and what is not.
Issues, emotions and circumstances that are not your own are not your business generally: they are outside of your hula-hoop. Being unconditionally supportive or the persistent “need to help” others, can actually be detrimental; it interferes with the development of self-reliance.
• Practice saying No:
Do not commit or make agreements under pressure. When we put our needs aside, we create our own problems. A polite No, is more thoughtful than a resentful agreement.
• Conversations about boundaries strengthen relationships. It is our responsibility to communicate our needs and feelings about emotional and physical needs.
• Healthy boundaries are a two-way street. If you are outspoken, encourage others to make decisions and share their thoughts. If you agree with others more than you speak your truth, learn ways to build confidence about communicating your ideas and thoughts. Both parties in any relationship lose when one person is dominating or if the other maintains the need for “everyone to be happy”.
• Share your knowledge about boundaries
with others (you are whether you know it). Disclosing efforts at personal-growth encourages growth in others. If you are parents, your children are learning about boundaries from watching your interactions in relationships. Model what it looks like to set and respect boundaries.
• Write out a vision of an ideal list for your personal boundaries. Share this list with important people in your life. Encourage others close to you to do the same.
Today is a great day to establish healthy boundaries in relationships.